He cheated when my mother died. (4th month perspective)

Publicado por Mizu en

Dear English Speaking friends,

I know its hard to understand everything that has happened to me as I barely talk about that in English. It is so horrible that when somebody ask me how am I doing I rather prefer to say “read my blog”. Today I will finally tell the story in English, excuse my grammar mistakes and here we go.

Its been 4 months since it happened. My mom died and my world fell apart. I receive a call from my mother 2 days before the last time she had her beautiful eyes open, with the last of her strength she asked me if I was having sexual relations with my boyfriend, she apologized for not teaching me about sex and made me promise to marry one day. She never told me with who thou.

The day my mother died I asked my boyfriend to marry me, he refuse saying “Why dont we lived together first”. I really meant it, for a while knew I wanted him to the father of my children. I was completely mistaken, about the man i thought he was.

I was love blinded about this man, I wanted my life to be his (what a terrible feeling, it was supposed to be OURS). I never saw the signs, he had been treated like shit for a year. He always put himself first, she stopped telling me where he was going and then accusing me of overreacting, she did not wanted to stand by my side while I pray for my mother soul. He started to smoke weed like there wasn’t tomorrow, drink everyday and doing Videocalls without me even thou I was living in quarantine with him. I wasn’t enough.

When my mother died, he got mad at me because I wanted to be at my mother house. As I couldnt see, nor touch her cold body, I needed her room and her stuff to feel that she was still. there (Deep Denial stage lasted 3 months) . In his house I stopped eating, I couldnt leave the bed, for 3 days I was crying non stop, my throat hurt of screaming my heart out. I felt ALONE, with no body in this world. I felt unloved, i wanted to die to be with her. I can barely write this words, my eyes are covered in tears.
I pray a rosary for 9 days straight, he came late for the last day, he wasn’t even on facebook live.

La ultima vez que mi mama fue al estadio

I went home and cleaned the house as my mom would have wanted, I have been 3 month away more or less. A friend of mine took me home, my BF was so angry, he never looked at my crying eyes. After that day I decided to move back to the house, even if I was going to be alone. I went to his house to pack my stuff but he had my whole things already packed, ready for me to go. He never understood how lonely I was feeling, this was 5 days after after my mom died.

I know, there was so many signs I missed.

I stayed alone for 2 weeks while he went to live to his best friend house, I will call this guy “Charlie” and his girlfriend “Tanner”. After that 2 weeks past, he stayed with me again.

We were planning to move together, so he started saying that i needed to sell or throw everything in a month, that he was going to help me. I COULDN’T TOUCH HER THINGS!! I told him i wasn’t going to move for a year, he told me he hated my rented house.
Sometimes i felt like dying and i screamed my heart out, he look at me with disgust and always told me “Crying again?!”, he never gave me a real compassion hugh after my mom died.

After all of this i still wanted to be a perfect partner for this man. I started waking up early, cleaning 3 times a week, working a lot even if i couldn’t focus, I hide my sadness but was I became more and more the industrious wife, i felt my mom will be proud, that i was completing what she wanted me to be. When i was finally feeling the person i wanted to be to made my mother proud and to be happy, i found him cheating. Here is how i found out:

On May 30, 2020, my ex-partner had left the house all day, he told me that he would go to buy food for his mother but he came back drunk at 10:38 pm, I got a bad feeling.

Now I know that he always lied to me because he NEVER went to his mother’s house, he went straight from my house to the house of his “friends” in La Ferroviaria. How do i know? I checked his uber receipts!

HE LIED! BUT WHY? I am the kind of person that if mi BF wants to go somewhere i don’t, I let him go alone. Because I trusted he loved me, and he was risking a lot by losing me.

Other sign that I not realized was that when I called him to tell that i left my keys inside, he told me he didn’t have them neither so i have to “manage”, so i did, I called friends.

At 10:38pm, due to the fact that I was having a meeting with my friends who helped me and he did not want to join, I decided to end the meeting, clean up and go up stairs to see him. He was sleeping in my bed with his feet dirty and his bathing trunks. I gave him a big shake for him to go wash his feet but he didn’t wake up.

He did not even tell me that he was going to drink that day, I wanted to know what he was doing, so I checked his cell phone. I promise that I did not think he was doing anything wrong at that moment, but if I wanted to check that no girl sent provocative photos as there was once happened (I’ll tell the story later and reveal pictures).

Before writing about what I found, you should know that Jack, my ex, had moved a week before to this friends’ house because “he needed to get out of the house and have fresh air” also this couple was offering him an apartment in their building and after that he kept visiting them very often.

Jack has been friends with “Charlie” since elementary school and “Tanner” has been his girlfriend for several years. Which is why she had introduce Jack girl-friends to hook up, one after another, plus the 3 of them played tennis every Saturday until I showed up and the Tanner girl-friends parade ended. I always thought they would be Jack’s best friends and if I ever had to worry about them was because they didn’t like me or may cover up another girl for hooking up.

The Trio

I went through all the conversations and found that he spoke to girls, sent them hearts and reacted with fire on IG but nothing concrete to say that he cheated on me but that he planned to do it very soon, he might had delete some. So I decided to check the conversations of his friends to see where he was and this is when I realized what had been going on.

I started with the men friends and finally I found the chat with S.Tanner that only had history from that night. HE NEVER DELETED CONVERSATIONS.

I wish you spoke spanish to see the screenshots of his phone that I took and that are posted on my post. The conversation starts with her saying that he talked about so many deep feeling and after she wanted to invite a new girl to the house. Then they confess their love to each other and ended saying that he doesn’t see them becoming a couple very far away. He writes about how much he wanted to taking her out of that house (that she lived with his friend, her boyfriend).

For a moment I thought, that Jack had talked about having something with someone else while he was in their house, in my head I wondered who it could be and why I had not found her. It was also clear to me that this couple would support any inmorality, so I said “Jack may have wanted to invite a girl to hook-up at their house.” Then a read again i couldnt believed what was happening, I started to shake nonstop, and felt horribly cold.

She called him!!! what was hapenning?!

At that moment I locked myself in the bathroom for not to raise suspicion and try to get rid of the shaking, it ended an hour and a half later. What hurt the most was reading “Because im starting to see that us being together is not so unreal”

I would have liked this chat to be about how it was a mistake to have had something, that until then I did not know what it was. But it was a declaration of love and he also intends to have her despite everything. From me, from her boyfriend, his best friend, this was the beginning.

I wrote to her and she called me to confess that they had had something and not to say “Charlie Brown”.

I grabbed all his things and left them in the garage, it was already 1 AM and since we were in curfew I couldn’t kick him out of him home, the plan was to wait until 5am but after shaking for another hour I said “Enough of taking care of him, let him handle his consecuentes”
I kicked him out, I told him that I knew about it, he confessed that they had sex and I closed the door.

It was 3 AM, from my room I could hear him crying but she wasn’t crying for me for sure.

I made him confess, he had so much remorse at that time, he told me that they had sex after we went to couple therapy, they went camping with friends and hookup when all of them were sleeping. The 3 of them slept on the same room said “Stefy Tanner” . He also said that they talked that if they were together they might be in a open/multiple relationship (“relación multiple”). Like the Maluma lyric in felices los 4.

“It was a mistake, it happened only once” —- bullshit

Sex may had happened only once if they are not lying but a relationship started that day. and he didn’t end nor pause it, not even when I was crying for my dead mother, he is the kind of man that will not take care of you if you get cancer. He might be there for his children but not for his wife, he will have a wife and always somebody else by his side hidden in the shadows.

He never let me leave, I wanted to end the relationship in good terms but he kept coming back. He knew i loved him so much that i put himself first. He knows im a great catch.

I don’t accept his texted apologies, he disrespected my grief.

I kicked him knowing, i was alone in this world, i have not been paid my salary fro 2 months and that I was going to be evicted form my home. And so it happend. I rather prefer to be homeless that to live a horrible lie, because i loved him and he did not love me back anymore. I may have a hard time, but I still have my head up, i did everything right. I cried for 3 month straight while I was forced to get rid of my mom stuff and moved out.

I told charlie the story, showed him proof that everything I said was true. He didn’t just ignore me and continue like nothing, he threatened to sue me if I told the story. It might be because he wants a threesome, it might be because he lives in her house and they bought a car together.

Whatever the reason. I have accomplished my mission, he knows. It is out of me if he follows my advice and finds someone who is loyal to him. I won’t give my life to someone who doesn’t respect me. Those 3 continue hanging at their home. He told me that he always wanted to have a threesome with Jack.

I disgust all the kisses he ever gave me, it disgusts me to have loved someone so repulsive but at least he accepted his mistake with the truth while S. and Charlie want to make me look crazy, like a liar, as if the evidence that I have are not real, this is the truth that should be shared publicly.

As for my ex, I’m not going to see him, or ever talk to him ever again, he only tells lies now that knows im not coming back to him, he just want his reputation back. I sincerely hope that he does not follow the path of polyamory, hordes, excesses of partying, alcohol and drugs, but I no longer intend to protect him. I made him pay for therapy sessions and made him throw his weed. He doesn’t know that i know that he didn’t keep his promise and continue doing drugs. Check his men purse, he is fully stocked.

I had to tell the story, what he is capable of. While I was thinking of dying every day for my mother, he made this worst, I thought about suicide so many times, I imagined several times a day ways of killing myself.

Jack Soria is able to fuck some other life, that’s why I can’t keep quiet.

It’s crazy how many people have written to me telling me their stories of infidelity but more importantly how many stories they have with the person involved. The cheaters will definitely never change. Thanks to those groups of acquaintances who had doubts before and she made them look crazy, today she finished closing what this lady was capable of.

The only doubts about all this is If he didn’t love me anymore why didn’t he let me go when:

  • I gave him time to be single again and if, he still wanted to be with me, then we would go back.
  • I broke up after I realized all his psychological abuse.

Both times he asked me to return to his arms. If he no longer loved me, if he already wanted to fuck others, why didn’t he let me go? Why did he agreed to go to couples therapy to solve our problems? Why did he lie to himself?

I am clear that I did absolutely everything possible to always solve our problems, he took advantage of my mourning so that I would settle for the misery of “lovish” he gave me, I was love blinded, did not see that a man who leaves his partner alone when she became an orphan, is a horrible human being.

Is your cheater remorseful? Do they own their actions? Have they taken responsibility and not tried to blame their conduct on other people or events? Taking full ownership of bringing this problem to the relationship is a good sign that a partner’s head is in the right space and may have learned from their first mistake. Also, asking for forgiveness, having the humility to work to earn a partner’s trust back and making a real effort towards being more trustworthy shows commitment to a relationship. But unfortunately, there are no guarantees.

Source: https://medium.com/@Thierney/once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater-de21f5439a3f

What he did after me telling the story to our friends, was to blame it my myself and accusing me of cheating with the first persons he could. Someone i had something even before traveling to north america, that was 2015. He had remorse until he realized I was not coming back. He never apologize face to face, because he knew I will made him confess.

I got kicked from my house, became an orphan, cheated but im still here. Fighting to live, and ready to fight back to anybody who wants to harm me. Thats for you “S”, I will go all the way if i have to if you keep threatening me, there is nothing left to lose, people already know my name. Do you want to give yours?

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Word count:
He: 90
I: 127
Im still trying to put myself first

I am free. You are welcome to the comments section below 😉


Viviana · noviembre 22, 2020 a las 8:59 PM

Cuídate mucho
Da gracias que te diste cuenta a tiempo y no te des por vencida.
Sigue adelante

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